When does the purchase you just “had to have” shift from undoubtably important, to suffocating clutter?
Why is too much of one thing deemed obscene while the same amount of something else is acceptable? For example: an overflow of cutlery is an easy declutter but the Warehouse worthy collection of Mug’s are unchanging? What gave those mugs that amount of power? Each collection is both equally useful. Is it simply because we attached emotion to each mug? A connection to memories of special occasions or because it was gifted by a significant other?
What makes us do this strange imprint on inanimate objects?
Is it an emotional need to hold onto happier times? To remember that we are loved because we were gifted this thing?
Maybe we hold on as a conscious way of suppressing anticipated feelings of guilt at the idea of giving these articles away?
Do we hold on because of paranoid, unsettling thought’s of how the benefactor ‘may’ feel if they knew we had thrown it away?
Or is it simply, holding on out of love? “The more things I keep, the more it shows that I love them”.
Remember, You hold the love not the porcelain vessel’s that are rammed into your cabinets.
This idea isn’t just limited to mug’s of course. It is applied to everything we consume. And this is where the aging arguments arrive. “It was expensive”. “I know I never use it but I like it” and finally “I feel guilty if I just throw it away because it is bad for the planet and I don’t know how to do it responsibly”.
So my question to you is this. Does it serve you? And by that I mean does it make you happy? Does it make you smile? Or does it simply cause you stress by conflicting your emotions? Does it boil up incredible amounts of anxiety by just thinking about approaching the task of decluttering? So rather than making the proactive decision to rid yourself of this essentially useless object, you procrastinate. You pop to the back of a cupboard or worse, it goes to live out its life in the attic with the other useless “very important but not that important enough to be used downstairs” processions.
Another pondering query I must address is, why does our inner conscience echo, “If I keep every single piece of art works created by each of my children, every birthday card, every school certificate I show my children just how much I love them”. Wrong! All it does is prohibit their ability to learn from you how to rationalise situations in their future.
By learning how to say good bye to commodity’s, is the same set of skills needed to negotiate life, Relationships, Jobs and emotions. Being able to recognise the things/people/situations that don’t serve us emotionally or practically is a precious potential one requires throughout adulthood. This isn’t just about learning how to declutter a room of “stuff”. It is so much more than that. It is showing them that we can be happy with less. That the world doesn’t simply crumble if something is lost. We need to teach them how to overcome those feelings of loss. If they are able survive losing Teddy’s that aren’t played with anymore, they will have the starting blocks of what is required of them when they loose a loved one. That yes, it is incredible sad but we survive by having each other not things.
So what happened when you decided to call me?
Did you call me to help change that habit? To help reverse the vicious cycle that is your mental spiral of constant procrastination?
What changed inside you to now make you loath those once special artefacts?
Did your life’s priorities change?
Financial Circumstances?
Health?
I’ve been thinking about these question’s more and more over the past few month’s. How much is too much? And how big really was the straw that broke the camel?
I’ve come to understand that life is hard. Whether you have restricted income or an abundance, we can all have the same struggles. Whether you live in a Downton Abbey style manor house or a one bedroom flat we can all have an unrestrained amount of stuff. It doesn’t have to be limited to the soulless purchases that are suffocating us. It can be too many hobbies, obligations, pet’s, volunteer work, Employment commitments, family. Too much is too much. Clutter is clutter. Clutter, as a verb, means “cover or fill (something) with an untidy collection of things”. This can be your home, heart or mind.
In my career I have found that each individual has their own “Thing”. Their “hoard” if you will. It could be the purchasing of beauty products, Handbags, Mug’s, Bulk buying toiletries, Book’s, Car’s, Animal’s, DIY, Art’s and craft materials. Whatever it may be, it is a sticking point. A non-negotiable “don’t take my stuff” sticking point. But why these thing’s? What makes these things so incredibly precious and your Kryptonite?
It is my belief that most hoarding tendencies come from some form of trauma, learnt behaviour or poverty. Some parent’s threw precious items away during their child’s adolescence so individuals now hold onto everything so not to relive that trauma of loss. It can be a way of holding onto or taking back the control their parents once had and are now no longer able to dictate the situation so It becomes about making a power stance. Some individuals simply know no difference. They are living a carbon copy of their parent’s conduct. “This is how my family lived and I simply don’t know how to have a tidy home” However, some individuals replicate, while others rebel and develop an Obsessive compulsive disorder. They over compensate. Their homes become a Show home. An Instagram worthy portal into their clutter free mind.
And finally, there is poverty. A result of having been financially poor or emotionally redundant. Keeping things for a hypothetical “just in case” financial need or surrounding themselves with things for comfort, security and reassurance. These all contribute to an over all emotional circumstance that requires professional intervention.
With this in mind. With everything that the world throws at us, we keep piling it on. A family of 5, 2 dogs, 1 cat, Rabbit, career, online scholar course’s, kid’s after school activities. Fucking chickens! Why? All in the pursuit of happiness? Contentment, approval or some form of gratification from sociality?
But why? Why do we feel this constant urge to do more, be better, more successful than Janice down the road?
By doing more or having more, does this mean increased success?
And by “thing’s” I don’t just mean possessions. More content in our day to day. Do we need to be more busy to be better than average?
I for one like being average. To some my life is probably boring. Our grown up son has fled the nest. Our beloved fur baby has passed and I don’t have hobbies. This has enabled me to have a quiet still mind the majority of the time. I have a tidy peaceful home, I am well rested, content and happy. And this is achieved by refusing to be exhausted. I know my limitations so I can say no to things I don’t want to do that I know won’t benefit me, I clean my home a bit at a time throughout the week so I am not filling my weekend with jobs rather then spending it with loved ones. I wear my clothes more regularly so I have less washing to do each week. I refuse to be suckered into the constant consumerism that is definitely not there for my well being and I prioritise my health. I surround myself with love not toxicity. Happy body, happy mind.
Obviously, I understand that I have less obligations than most. However, I have learnt that it is all about priorities. And by having less in a way of processions and commitments, life is easier to manage. Less to clean, easier to find things and more money for experiences to make memories. After all, we remember the things we do, not the things we have. I bet you can remember more about how you felt on Christmas Day as a child, birthdays or on outings more than what you received as a present. Am I right?
I believe we hold on because we “should” not because we always want to. The clutter isn’t holding you back, it’s your inability to let go.
Remember if you aren’t using it now or you simply forgot you had it, then you won’t use it anymore if its sat in a pile, in the loft or in a bag for life somewhere.
Whatever the clutter is that is holding you back, processions, commitments, people. It can all go peacefully into the night for someone else to enjoy. The world will not suddenly burst into flames if you say goodbye. Prioritise you, not clutter.
With love
C x
